I’m sitting in front of my laptop trying to write for my blog, in my room where I installed Christmas lights all around it while hearing indie music based on Agnes Obel, and I can feel how the words come to my head and I get fill with ideas, maybe I got my inspiration this morning by rereading a chapter of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Or it is the relaxing sound of the guitar and the beautiful melodies mixed with the ambient of my room.
Right now I don’t want to write any review about any book, I just want to feel free and write whatever the heck I want, and that is what I’m going to do. I’m not a normal kid, sometimes I try to be a normal person, but then I remember that I got to be who I really am.
I’m so tired of being the intelligent kid, the one who always has to get good grades, the one who is single and have never kissed someone. I want to experience life, get in the trunk of a car at midnight and feel the breeze on my face, with my crazy alternative music and feel infinite (I hope you get the reference), I want to hear my music at high volume and scream and cry and laugh and have mixed emotions. I want to be near God, my family and my friends.
I want to have a relationship, I don’t care if it is a girl or a boy I just want to fall in love, I give a damn what my religion or what the people who surround me think about that, I just want to feel free, I want to be who I am, no matter what.
Yesterday I went to a party and a friend of mine was heartbroken, I could feel his sadness, I knew how he felt, his story is that he fall for my best friend but my best friend doesn’t reciprocate that feeling, I’ve had that feeling in my life many times where I have a crush or even fell in love, and that person does not feel the same, and It is horrible but I’ve learned that God will give you things when is the right moment, maybe for my friend and I it isn’t the moment for us to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, we are young, we will fall in love, we will kiss people, we will take the wrong paths but we will learn from our mistake and we will enjoy life and just live.
My whole life since I was a tiny boy, maybe 3 years old, I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t think that in the future maybe that dream will not come true, maybe you have to make a test and you will fail it, and it was your last chance of becoming a doctor, maybe that it is what is happening to me. I have other options like other colleges but they cost too much money and even though my parents say that it doesn’t matter that we will have the money so I can go to other colleges, I know they are lying and I know that they are concerned, I’m also concerned. Concerned that they will have to sacrifice everything just for my dream, I admire them, but I know I can study other things and I can get other dream, I know that we will get through it and I will go to college even though not with the same dream as I had when I was a little kid, but with a new one and bigger.
It is funny how I’m writing about everything in my life, friends even family could read this but I don’t care because I’m happy with who I am and I wanted to share my thoughts with the world, and I wanted to tell them that life goes on no matter what it is your problem. I know people who have worst problems then me think that just because there problems are bigger they cannot go on but yes you can.
Pray, love and never give up no matter what.